$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
