Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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