Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
