Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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