I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
