is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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