so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
