curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
