So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
