Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
