She said her name was "party"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
