Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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