I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
