can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You work out of a Hotel?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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