he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
