She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
