just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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