Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
