my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
