my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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