3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
