They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
porn star boner night. come get it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
