So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
