I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
