i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
