my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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