I wish I could teleport
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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