we have officially mastered the walk of shame
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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