our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
