Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
