She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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