Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
