Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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