i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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