The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
