just tell him i said nine months
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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