Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
