Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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