Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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