i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
