Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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