that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
