honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
