You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
