life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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