I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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