Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
