I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
