My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
