nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
