the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
