At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
