I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
